I have been thinking about this post for awhile, and I am sure have posted something similar before. But it occurs to me that there is a misunderstanding about Freedom, liberty and The American Dream, or Ideals.
It is often said, that freedom isn't free. Most often we use this to talk of the sacrifice and service or the members of the Armed Forces. And yes, that is part of the meaning, but it is not the whole meaning. Liberty and freedom are dangerous.
To be free means that one is able to make choices, and some of those choices are poor choices. It means the right to take a risk and the responsibility to accept failure and its consequences. The political 'right' in this country refers often to this right and its attendant responsibility. Freedom without responsibility is not Liberty, but is License, which boils down to the giving into one's animal instincts, to live according to the whims and desires of the body and its urges and have someone else clean up the mess. that is not freedom, it is slavery, slavery to the body of flesh. This is the freedom that the current 'Left' in this country espouses. It is a very seductive call, the desire to have a life of ease where every whim is indulged in, every carnal desire explored and every worry handled by someone else. Who hasn't at some point wanted that? The problem is that it soon enough a person finds they are trapped by those desires and controlled by those who take care of all the worries.
On the other hand True Freedom, True Liberty is founded not on the wallowing in all pleasures and desires, but the freedom to seek out the best way to better oneself or those around a person. The greatest freedom is found in Christ, through the Relationship with Jesus. Apart from that there is no freedom.
The question I think comes down to this, what is the greatest good, Safety or Liberty?
I say Liberty is the greatest good.
We can find true liberty and freedom in Christ and not only that but A properly restrained government can be a minimal impediment on liberty. On the other hand we can never be guaranteed safety. A lesson that was brought to our attention forcefully in Newtown CT this past month. A civil society must balance the Liberty of the individual against the Liberty of other individuals and the smooth functioning of society. The more people there are the more delicate that balance becomes as conflict naturally arises between even the best intentioned of people.
I think that the rules that are necessary can be argued endlessly and the line necessary between Liberty and the State will move some back and forth as times, people, and circumstances change. But in all things we should seek to maximize Liberty as much as possible.
What are the most basic principles of Liberty? I believe the core principles are as follows.
1) The Freedom of religion. The right to believe, or not believe and follow the tenets of that belief in ALL aspects of life.
2) The Freedom of Speech, or perhaps more accurately the freedom to communicate.
3) The Freedom to enjoy the fruits of one's own labor.
4) The Freedom to defend one's self and ones family and property against illegal and immoral taking. This ties into the the right to the fruits of one's own labor.
5) The Freedom to Live. This perhaps is the most fundamental. We are unique creations of The Lord. There is no right to destroy that which The Lord has given life.
Of course, these freedoms, These rights also come with a responsibility. When used wrongly and abused these freedoms cause harm to those around us. The freedoms are not a license to do anything that comes to mind.
Thank you for bearing with me. I know I can ramble at times in my writing.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
The day the world changed
Today, around the world, Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. This is the day that truly changed the world like no other day in history. No other day will change the world in a similar way until the day He returns. The magnitude of what Christ has done is lost on us. I don't think that we can truly comprehend it.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Recovery
I want to thank everyone for their prayers and support and most especially thank my wife Yvette for taking care of me and being a wonderful strong woman who has shouldered having to deal with not only an immobile husband, but the entire care of kids and home all at once. You are a strong woman Yvette and I love you and appreciate everything you do and have done for our family and for me.
It isn't easy for me to be cooped up in bed like this. I independent by nature and having to get help for almost everything isn't easy. I know we will all be glad when I am mobile again and can take up my normal routine. The hardest part in some ways is that it is my right ankle so I can't drive anywhere till it heals up.
It isn't easy, but we will get through this and we will be stronger afterward. The Lord never gives us more than we can handle. And when we do reach our limit, he is there to pick us up and carry us.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Freedom
I have had this bouncing around in my head now for a couple of days, but haven't had the time to put it down.
i posted the thought to Twitter(@jraypatten) and Facebook today.
"Freedom isn't free, or cheap or safe, but it is worth the price."
There has been a lot in the news lately about freedom. Part of it is inevitable, the country is in an election cycle. A lot has revolved around the controversy over the mandate on contraceptive coverage. The right is claiming a freedom of religion issue, and the left a women's health and "Freedom of choice" issue. But I am not really ready to address that particular aspect. Instead I want to take on a more basic look.
The issue I have been thinking of is this. One multiple occasions I have listened on his show as he debates with someone who says that our treatment of the prisoners at Guantanamo does not rise to the level of torture and even if it did it is justified given the stakes involved.
Here is the problem with that argument. We can have a truly spirited and merited debate about whether or not the interrogation methods used are torture or not. I do not know.
If they are, then they should NOT be used.
Sean's argument back is that If he were holding YOUR family captive or you KNEW your family would die if the information were not wrangled from him wouldn't you support doing anything, no matter what, to get that information out?
The answer for many of us is "Yes, of course." But, that does not make it right. Two wrongs do not equal a right.
Sean makes a good point about the constitution being for a limited government.
Why? Why does the constitution limit government? Not because the constitution grants us rights, but because those rights are ours as a condition of being Human. We are endowed by our Creator, the Lord most High, with those rights and no Government, no person, and no entity outside of God himself has the right to forcefully infringe on those rights.
What this means is that we do not have the justification to use torture, or to indefinitely hold people or take other steps that go around the constitution and the rights that are spelled out within it.
This goes Doubly true for American citizens and the Patriot Act, the NDAA and other related laws unconstitutionally infringe on these rights.
the truth of the matter is that we can either have a Free society, or a apparently safe society. But there is no true safety. Reducing the danger from foreign terrorists, or even domestic ones, comes at a price. that price is making EVERYONE a suspect. We must decide if we want a free society or a society where our own government has decided that its own population is the enemy.
Our freedom has a price, and that price is the fact that we may be hurt or killed for our freedom and in the exercise of it. That is why the tree of liberty is watered by patriots. It does not necessarily mean that we are dying in a war to protect ourselves or defend ourselves, but that freedom carries a risk simply by exercising it. I hope that my children learn this lesson. I want to protect them, I want them to live long and full lives, but their lives cannot be full if they are wrapped up in plastic bubble-wrap. and locked away for their 'protection.'
Freedom is precious, and as with all precious things it is expensive. We must be willing to pay the price.
i posted the thought to Twitter(@jraypatten) and Facebook today.
"Freedom isn't free, or cheap or safe, but it is worth the price."
There has been a lot in the news lately about freedom. Part of it is inevitable, the country is in an election cycle. A lot has revolved around the controversy over the mandate on contraceptive coverage. The right is claiming a freedom of religion issue, and the left a women's health and "Freedom of choice" issue. But I am not really ready to address that particular aspect. Instead I want to take on a more basic look.
The issue I have been thinking of is this. One multiple occasions I have listened on his show as he debates with someone who says that our treatment of the prisoners at Guantanamo does not rise to the level of torture and even if it did it is justified given the stakes involved.
Here is the problem with that argument. We can have a truly spirited and merited debate about whether or not the interrogation methods used are torture or not. I do not know.
If they are, then they should NOT be used.
Sean's argument back is that If he were holding YOUR family captive or you KNEW your family would die if the information were not wrangled from him wouldn't you support doing anything, no matter what, to get that information out?
The answer for many of us is "Yes, of course." But, that does not make it right. Two wrongs do not equal a right.
Sean makes a good point about the constitution being for a limited government.
Why? Why does the constitution limit government? Not because the constitution grants us rights, but because those rights are ours as a condition of being Human. We are endowed by our Creator, the Lord most High, with those rights and no Government, no person, and no entity outside of God himself has the right to forcefully infringe on those rights.
What this means is that we do not have the justification to use torture, or to indefinitely hold people or take other steps that go around the constitution and the rights that are spelled out within it.
This goes Doubly true for American citizens and the Patriot Act, the NDAA and other related laws unconstitutionally infringe on these rights.
the truth of the matter is that we can either have a Free society, or a apparently safe society. But there is no true safety. Reducing the danger from foreign terrorists, or even domestic ones, comes at a price. that price is making EVERYONE a suspect. We must decide if we want a free society or a society where our own government has decided that its own population is the enemy.
Our freedom has a price, and that price is the fact that we may be hurt or killed for our freedom and in the exercise of it. That is why the tree of liberty is watered by patriots. It does not necessarily mean that we are dying in a war to protect ourselves or defend ourselves, but that freedom carries a risk simply by exercising it. I hope that my children learn this lesson. I want to protect them, I want them to live long and full lives, but their lives cannot be full if they are wrapped up in plastic bubble-wrap. and locked away for their 'protection.'
Freedom is precious, and as with all precious things it is expensive. We must be willing to pay the price.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Mid-week thoughts
This may be another rambling post, so bear with me.
Yesterday was, of course, Super Tuesday. Gingrich won Georgia, and Romney took 6 out of the ten states, but barely pulled the win in Ohio. I iwll admit that Romney is not my favored candidate. I just don't get a good vibe from him and I feel like he is too much of a technocrat. He believes that if he just assembles the correct experts in Washington than they can come up with a plan to fix things. Santorum suffers from this as well I think, though he is a big government compassionate conservative. He really has the right ideas on many social issues, but I don't think he is as committed to the reduction of the size and scope of government in our lives. From that stand point, I think It is Probably Ron Paul who has the best position, but for one, as I ahve mentioned, his foreign policy is dangerously isolationist. Additionally he is so far over on the libertarian side he will alienate members of both parties and not be able to achieve much. Neither party will co-operate with him.
The biggest issue with Gingrich is that he carries a lot of personal history and bad feelings inside the beltway. I am beginning to think it is Going to be Romney as the Republican Nominee and hopefully President if he gets the Nomination.
Of course the signature issue, for the republicans, is to get the Current Health care law overturned. There is some question as to whether Romney would really be committed to it or not because of his implementation of a similar program in Massachusetts. That I cannot speak to for certainty, but he has on many occasions laid out the reasoning why it is acceptable at a state level and not the Federal level.
A friend has stated to me that the energy in politics is better spent making a difference at a personal level then investing all of one's energy into politics and pinning hopes on the ability of one man to change the course of the nation. it is a good point, and the most important thing we can do is to model Christ to those around us and bring others to a knowledge of him and his love and incredible gift. We should also strive to minister to the needs of those around us. As an institution the church has abdicated its role as the caregiver for the poor, the downtrodden and those in need. When the church moved away from that role the government moved in and as a result the country is on a path to bankruptcy and collapse that it may already be too late to reverse. the problem is that to fix the problem requires the government to step back and cut the benefits and payouts it makes. Millions will suffer when this happens and the Church is NOT prepared to step in and take over the role. Onerous regulations only exacerbate the problem by making it almost impossible for a private organization to step in. In the political silly season, do not forget to reach out to those in need around you. Follow Christ's example and serve.
Yesterday was, of course, Super Tuesday. Gingrich won Georgia, and Romney took 6 out of the ten states, but barely pulled the win in Ohio. I iwll admit that Romney is not my favored candidate. I just don't get a good vibe from him and I feel like he is too much of a technocrat. He believes that if he just assembles the correct experts in Washington than they can come up with a plan to fix things. Santorum suffers from this as well I think, though he is a big government compassionate conservative. He really has the right ideas on many social issues, but I don't think he is as committed to the reduction of the size and scope of government in our lives. From that stand point, I think It is Probably Ron Paul who has the best position, but for one, as I ahve mentioned, his foreign policy is dangerously isolationist. Additionally he is so far over on the libertarian side he will alienate members of both parties and not be able to achieve much. Neither party will co-operate with him.
The biggest issue with Gingrich is that he carries a lot of personal history and bad feelings inside the beltway. I am beginning to think it is Going to be Romney as the Republican Nominee and hopefully President if he gets the Nomination.
Of course the signature issue, for the republicans, is to get the Current Health care law overturned. There is some question as to whether Romney would really be committed to it or not because of his implementation of a similar program in Massachusetts. That I cannot speak to for certainty, but he has on many occasions laid out the reasoning why it is acceptable at a state level and not the Federal level.
A friend has stated to me that the energy in politics is better spent making a difference at a personal level then investing all of one's energy into politics and pinning hopes on the ability of one man to change the course of the nation. it is a good point, and the most important thing we can do is to model Christ to those around us and bring others to a knowledge of him and his love and incredible gift. We should also strive to minister to the needs of those around us. As an institution the church has abdicated its role as the caregiver for the poor, the downtrodden and those in need. When the church moved away from that role the government moved in and as a result the country is on a path to bankruptcy and collapse that it may already be too late to reverse. the problem is that to fix the problem requires the government to step back and cut the benefits and payouts it makes. Millions will suffer when this happens and the Church is NOT prepared to step in and take over the role. Onerous regulations only exacerbate the problem by making it almost impossible for a private organization to step in. In the political silly season, do not forget to reach out to those in need around you. Follow Christ's example and serve.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Super Tuesday
Tomorrow is Super Tuesday. Obviously the entire focus is on the republican primary this cycle. The Democratic party Nomination is not even up for grabs so there is no news on that side. Here in Georgia, Newt Gingrich is slated to win Georgia unless something changes drastically. Here in the peach state, Romney and Santorum are vying for second place and hoping to push the other to a distant 3rd place and deny the loser any Georgia delegates. A similar situation exists in Tennessee and Oklahoma. The big battle appears to be in Ohio where Romney and Santorum are neck in neck. I admit, that not long ago I would have never considered Santorum a viable candidate. I will vote tomorrow in the primary election. It is the primary and if you can't find a candidate to support at this time then sit back and enjoy the horse race. But it is important to be involved in politics. When the time comes at the general election in November, go vote. I won't and can't dictate to you who to vote for, but it is important to Vote. Find the candidate that you support, or is closest to the views you hold and believe can represent those views and Vote. You should know who is running for your congressional and state seats. There is more going on than JUST the presidential race.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Musings
A new class is starting, well started last night but I didn't get to the discussions last night. I am still waiting on the grade on my final for this last one. It is beginning to get more difficult in these classes and I know I need to devote serious time to them. The past few weeks have been very draining, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. There has been and continues to be a lot on my heart and mind and I am glad I had time off from work through some of the most spiritually tumultuous points. Its not over yet though I think I am beginning to have a handle on it. It was great to see Jessica, and meet Larry and Yvette loved having the chance to spend time with family. To top it off we went to see the mouse in Orlando. the days were long, the drive even longer, but when I wasn't talking politics and constitutional intent and inherent rights with Larry on the drive there was a lot of time to think.
I have never before encountered a point where a situation and my reaction to it has driven me to have physical illness before. I think though that instead of focusing on the past and people and situations that I cannot change, it is time to look forward. There is a great need in our society and especially within our churches for the support of the institution of marriage. And not as in fighting 'gay marriage' or railing against the decay of our culture. Instead the church should celebrate marriage, work to make sure that married couples thrive in their relationship and make it plainly visible that marriage is the desirable option. Instead of boldly condemning those who fall into relationships outside of the holy union, we should lift up marriage to be seen as the blessing it is.
After all, isn't marriage supposed to be a reflection of the most glorious relationship possible? the relationship between ourselves and Jesus Christ? If we do not hold marriage in the high esteem that we are supposed to hold that sacred relationship then how high are we holding our commitment to Christ? This extends to all facets of the marriage. From the forsaking of all others, to the Headship of the husband (boy I bet that will get some one's dander up) to the bed as well. For perhaps in all of marriage this is the place we as Christians have dropped the ball the most. Sex is meant to be the glue that binds the marriage together. It is far more than a physical act. There is, or is supposed to be a spiritual and emotional joining as well. That the opening of ourselves at our most vulnerable to each other. This is the human, physical model for what our intimacy with Christ is to be like. We are to be totally open to him, hiding nothing of ourselves from God. Just as a husband and wife are to be totally open to each other, joining to become one flesh. This is of course not an instantaneous event, but a process, a journey of growth that increases through the years. It takes work, and commitment. Love will not simply bloom and be there. It is a choice. It is doing the things that are hard. it is giving of yourself to the other totally. We as a church have spent so much time condemning the ways in which the gift of sex has been perverted and preaching the evils of those perversions that we do not celebrate the joy and glorious gift it is within marriage, or if we do it is overshadowed by all that has been done previously. Of course it is easy to go from that to sinful exposure of what belongs between a man and his wife.
I sit here and write these things and realize that my own life, my own marriage have not yet reached this point, this picture of what marriage ought to be. My own past mocks me and tells me that I have done enough damage and how can I say these things with a straight face.
There is a simple answer. First, I am human. I will fail, we all will fail at some point. None are perfect save he who sits on the throne and the perfect sacrifice at his right hand. Second, I am forgiven, my sins have been cleansed. They are no more. I may not be able to forget them, and I will carry some scars and those around me will carry scars from what has been done, but those sins have no power.
I know I have kind of bounced around so if you are still reading, congratulations! My mind tends to go everywhere and when I write I do as well. Especially in a format like this. But back to topic.
Marriage as I said is a sacred thing. The more I have seen marriages around me collapse, some after many years the more I realize that more must be done to support married couples, more must be done to help those who are hurting, more must be done to make the younger generations realize what marriage SHOULD be, not what we have let it become. So many Christians live no differently than those outside it. marriage is not a permanent institution to them. Just as our relationship to Christ cannot ever be severed, so a marriage is not severed. Abuse and adultery are the acceptable reasons for a divorce. Otherwise It is wrong. And even in the previous cases Christ can bring a change of heart and a transformation of one or both involved. If this does not happen, then the marriage will die, and a divorce occurs. This does not make the divorce right. It is still a terrible thing. Perhaps if we understood this within the church then the rate of divorce would be far lower.
These are thoughts I have had for a long time, but not really known how to express them. For several years I have tried to put to words the ideas behind it and I still feel its not quite adequate. In the past two years I have seen marriages of friends and those around me break up and dissolve and it has begun to tear at my heart. I am angry that we do not see what it is that has been destroyed.
I say that this cannot be laid at the feet of Hollywood, or the secular media as so many do. If the church and as a whole had not abandoned marriage and the celebration of what marriage is and uplifted it then there would have not been a vacuum for the secular left to fill.
I think, that at this time I will go ahead and wrap this up. If you are still reading, thank you. If you agree, disagree, love, hate, think I am full of it, let me know. If you agree, or like, share this blog.
thank you for reading and I hope that if nothing else, you now have something to think about.
--Jason
I have never before encountered a point where a situation and my reaction to it has driven me to have physical illness before. I think though that instead of focusing on the past and people and situations that I cannot change, it is time to look forward. There is a great need in our society and especially within our churches for the support of the institution of marriage. And not as in fighting 'gay marriage' or railing against the decay of our culture. Instead the church should celebrate marriage, work to make sure that married couples thrive in their relationship and make it plainly visible that marriage is the desirable option. Instead of boldly condemning those who fall into relationships outside of the holy union, we should lift up marriage to be seen as the blessing it is.
After all, isn't marriage supposed to be a reflection of the most glorious relationship possible? the relationship between ourselves and Jesus Christ? If we do not hold marriage in the high esteem that we are supposed to hold that sacred relationship then how high are we holding our commitment to Christ? This extends to all facets of the marriage. From the forsaking of all others, to the Headship of the husband (boy I bet that will get some one's dander up) to the bed as well. For perhaps in all of marriage this is the place we as Christians have dropped the ball the most. Sex is meant to be the glue that binds the marriage together. It is far more than a physical act. There is, or is supposed to be a spiritual and emotional joining as well. That the opening of ourselves at our most vulnerable to each other. This is the human, physical model for what our intimacy with Christ is to be like. We are to be totally open to him, hiding nothing of ourselves from God. Just as a husband and wife are to be totally open to each other, joining to become one flesh. This is of course not an instantaneous event, but a process, a journey of growth that increases through the years. It takes work, and commitment. Love will not simply bloom and be there. It is a choice. It is doing the things that are hard. it is giving of yourself to the other totally. We as a church have spent so much time condemning the ways in which the gift of sex has been perverted and preaching the evils of those perversions that we do not celebrate the joy and glorious gift it is within marriage, or if we do it is overshadowed by all that has been done previously. Of course it is easy to go from that to sinful exposure of what belongs between a man and his wife.
I sit here and write these things and realize that my own life, my own marriage have not yet reached this point, this picture of what marriage ought to be. My own past mocks me and tells me that I have done enough damage and how can I say these things with a straight face.
There is a simple answer. First, I am human. I will fail, we all will fail at some point. None are perfect save he who sits on the throne and the perfect sacrifice at his right hand. Second, I am forgiven, my sins have been cleansed. They are no more. I may not be able to forget them, and I will carry some scars and those around me will carry scars from what has been done, but those sins have no power.
I know I have kind of bounced around so if you are still reading, congratulations! My mind tends to go everywhere and when I write I do as well. Especially in a format like this. But back to topic.
Marriage as I said is a sacred thing. The more I have seen marriages around me collapse, some after many years the more I realize that more must be done to support married couples, more must be done to help those who are hurting, more must be done to make the younger generations realize what marriage SHOULD be, not what we have let it become. So many Christians live no differently than those outside it. marriage is not a permanent institution to them. Just as our relationship to Christ cannot ever be severed, so a marriage is not severed. Abuse and adultery are the acceptable reasons for a divorce. Otherwise It is wrong. And even in the previous cases Christ can bring a change of heart and a transformation of one or both involved. If this does not happen, then the marriage will die, and a divorce occurs. This does not make the divorce right. It is still a terrible thing. Perhaps if we understood this within the church then the rate of divorce would be far lower.
These are thoughts I have had for a long time, but not really known how to express them. For several years I have tried to put to words the ideas behind it and I still feel its not quite adequate. In the past two years I have seen marriages of friends and those around me break up and dissolve and it has begun to tear at my heart. I am angry that we do not see what it is that has been destroyed.
I say that this cannot be laid at the feet of Hollywood, or the secular media as so many do. If the church and as a whole had not abandoned marriage and the celebration of what marriage is and uplifted it then there would have not been a vacuum for the secular left to fill.
I think, that at this time I will go ahead and wrap this up. If you are still reading, thank you. If you agree, disagree, love, hate, think I am full of it, let me know. If you agree, or like, share this blog.
thank you for reading and I hope that if nothing else, you now have something to think about.
--Jason
Sunday, February 12, 2012
How to know? Speak out or stay silent?
Short post this time. I believe I am feeling a real burden to speak to some friends about what I perceive to be a real issue from a spiritual and theological standpoint. But I do not know if I am being spoken to by The Lord to bring this up, or if I am just bring a busybody and obsessing about something g that isn't even an issue. I also wonder that I even have the right to say anything given the fact that I have my own spiritual issues to deal with. I do not want to be judgemental, and I have no desire to pronounce judgement o their souls, but I still worry. For those that bread this blog, I am seeking advice, please respond here or email to jpat1973@Gmail.com or Facebook or G+ .
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Later and Later
I seem to be getting these posts out later and later each time I plan to do one.
This past Week Paul over at The Generous Husband blog Has been doing a week long series on divorce and what to do when your wife decides enough is enough and she is done. I won't rehash it all here, but I encourage you to read it and, if you are married or are going to be married, I recommend you read it and sign up for his daily email tips. THere are some good bits of advice and good ideas all from a Christian and biblically based perspective. There are times I don't quite agree with everything he says, but thats OK. Everything seems to be solidly grounded and he has a real passion for seeing that mariage works. Especially for Christians. In general he writes to the Men and pull sno punches with them. HIs wife Lori runs a companion blog The Generous Wife which does much the same. Yvette and I share the tips back and forth with each other every day.
Anyway, back to the topic I started on. This year I have decided to really work on our marriage. We have been married now for what will be 14 years in July. We have had some significant ups and downs. Some wonderful times and times where we did almost call it quits. I can only marvel and be thankful to Yvette for the strength she has had, the patience she has had and the love she still has to stick through all we have gone through and my own numerous faults and failings. As we have started working to really strengthen our marriage and not just cover up the problems underneath we have opened up some painful things. I know that I am not a confrontational person and I tend to not deal well with criticism. My natural tendency when there is a problem is to pull back into a shell and simply wait till things calm down rather than deal with the issue itself or confront the person or problem. The catalyst for this realization of change actually started late last year when I realized a couple we are friends with were divorcing after more than 15 years of marriage. I began to take a close and real hard look at myself and Our marriage and realized that despite the front Everyone saw, and in many ways the front I put up for myself that there was a lot that needed to be worked on in our marriage. I didn't want to wake up one day and realize that Our marriage had died. I don't think it was in immediate danger of failing, but things were not as they should be.
I love Yvette and I know she loves me and we are committed to our marriage, but If we are not actively growing and improving then surely but slowly we were starting to drift apart. Life just gets busy sometimes. Four kids in school, full time work, being in school, being active in Church, and then time just to relax occasionally meant we were spending very little time with each other as a couple. We would have occasional date nights, but for the most part the only time we really spent together was when we got into bed and fell asleep. Even when we would try to really talk I would get my defenses up and my wall up because I didn't want to deal with possibly hurtful things. Either hurtful to myself or to Yvette.
In the past month we have really started opening up more to each other. It has hurt. But we are starting to grow past it I believe and we will be stronger and better because of it. It is still not going to be easy, I have at least another year left of school before I get my bachelor's degree.
I admit this blog is not widely read as yet, but if you do read it and enjoy it, feel free to share the link out, or comment and let me know. Yes it is a shameless plug. No I won't apologize for plugging
This past Week Paul over at The Generous Husband blog Has been doing a week long series on divorce and what to do when your wife decides enough is enough and she is done. I won't rehash it all here, but I encourage you to read it and, if you are married or are going to be married, I recommend you read it and sign up for his daily email tips. THere are some good bits of advice and good ideas all from a Christian and biblically based perspective. There are times I don't quite agree with everything he says, but thats OK. Everything seems to be solidly grounded and he has a real passion for seeing that mariage works. Especially for Christians. In general he writes to the Men and pull sno punches with them. HIs wife Lori runs a companion blog The Generous Wife which does much the same. Yvette and I share the tips back and forth with each other every day.
Anyway, back to the topic I started on. This year I have decided to really work on our marriage. We have been married now for what will be 14 years in July. We have had some significant ups and downs. Some wonderful times and times where we did almost call it quits. I can only marvel and be thankful to Yvette for the strength she has had, the patience she has had and the love she still has to stick through all we have gone through and my own numerous faults and failings. As we have started working to really strengthen our marriage and not just cover up the problems underneath we have opened up some painful things. I know that I am not a confrontational person and I tend to not deal well with criticism. My natural tendency when there is a problem is to pull back into a shell and simply wait till things calm down rather than deal with the issue itself or confront the person or problem. The catalyst for this realization of change actually started late last year when I realized a couple we are friends with were divorcing after more than 15 years of marriage. I began to take a close and real hard look at myself and Our marriage and realized that despite the front Everyone saw, and in many ways the front I put up for myself that there was a lot that needed to be worked on in our marriage. I didn't want to wake up one day and realize that Our marriage had died. I don't think it was in immediate danger of failing, but things were not as they should be.
I love Yvette and I know she loves me and we are committed to our marriage, but If we are not actively growing and improving then surely but slowly we were starting to drift apart. Life just gets busy sometimes. Four kids in school, full time work, being in school, being active in Church, and then time just to relax occasionally meant we were spending very little time with each other as a couple. We would have occasional date nights, but for the most part the only time we really spent together was when we got into bed and fell asleep. Even when we would try to really talk I would get my defenses up and my wall up because I didn't want to deal with possibly hurtful things. Either hurtful to myself or to Yvette.
In the past month we have really started opening up more to each other. It has hurt. But we are starting to grow past it I believe and we will be stronger and better because of it. It is still not going to be easy, I have at least another year left of school before I get my bachelor's degree.
I admit this blog is not widely read as yet, but if you do read it and enjoy it, feel free to share the link out, or comment and let me know. Yes it is a shameless plug. No I won't apologize for plugging
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Another sunday Night
It's another Sunday night. A week since I last blogged. This week was a long week as well, but a better weekend. A longer than expected night at work led to another zombie day on Thursday and busy Friday. Saturday I finally got the oil changed in the van (and it felt GOOD to finally do the work myself) even if there was frustration at the beginning due to an over-tightened oil drain plug. The filter change was easy, one of the easiest I ever had and it went well. I need to dispose of the oil however so I will be looking to do that probably this week.
One of the re-occurring themes lately seems to be time, or more specifically the passage of time. January is almost over. How has a month gone by so fast? I do not know what to write right now. I feel like there are so amny things inside me to say and to put down and yet I do not know what I should say or needs to be said. part of it is my natural reluctance to opening up myself emotionally I am sure. Am I so blocked off that I can't even open up to myself? Am I just not at the point where i can really face whats inside me? these are questions I do not have the answers for right now. It reminds me of how when at work some one will call up and say they have a question, if I know the customer I will joke back "I have answers, they may not be the right ones, but they are answers." that usually gets a chuckle at least.
I have a good job, and for the most part I enjoy it, or at least don't detest or despise it. It can be stresfull, and of course there are days that the stress seems to be overwhelming, but I suspect that would be the case with almost anything that is actual work. Very few people get to do just what they love to do and do it only at the level in which it is enjoyable all the time. Even those who are doing exactly what they love encounter days it is less enjoyable. Even so, it provides for our material needs sufficiently and even a great many of our wants. This family is truly blessed by the Lord. I do not thank him enough. ... ... ( time passes).....
Well Its Tuesday, I did not get this blog out on Sunday Night like I had planned. Yesterday was a Long day for everyone and I did some school work and went to bed without doing the blog. So I am hoping to finish this up during the last few minutes of my lunch break at work.
I am not even sure I can get back into the thread of my thoughts from then so I am going to wrap this one up and publish.
.....
......
One of the re-occurring themes lately seems to be time, or more specifically the passage of time. January is almost over. How has a month gone by so fast? I do not know what to write right now. I feel like there are so amny things inside me to say and to put down and yet I do not know what I should say or needs to be said. part of it is my natural reluctance to opening up myself emotionally I am sure. Am I so blocked off that I can't even open up to myself? Am I just not at the point where i can really face whats inside me? these are questions I do not have the answers for right now. It reminds me of how when at work some one will call up and say they have a question, if I know the customer I will joke back "I have answers, they may not be the right ones, but they are answers." that usually gets a chuckle at least.
I have a good job, and for the most part I enjoy it, or at least don't detest or despise it. It can be stresfull, and of course there are days that the stress seems to be overwhelming, but I suspect that would be the case with almost anything that is actual work. Very few people get to do just what they love to do and do it only at the level in which it is enjoyable all the time. Even those who are doing exactly what they love encounter days it is less enjoyable. Even so, it provides for our material needs sufficiently and even a great many of our wants. This family is truly blessed by the Lord. I do not thank him enough. ... ... ( time passes).....
Well Its Tuesday, I did not get this blog out on Sunday Night like I had planned. Yesterday was a Long day for everyone and I did some school work and went to bed without doing the blog. So I am hoping to finish this up during the last few minutes of my lunch break at work.
I am not even sure I can get back into the thread of my thoughts from then so I am going to wrap this one up and publish.
.....
......
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Exhausted ...
I am Thoroughly exhausted. It has been a long weekend. After a very busy Saturday and a much needed but difficult late night conversation I was completely unable to sleep last night. I have been almost a zombie all day today, just glad no one went for the headshot. Last year went by fast and in ways was a very rough year. This year I am determined to grow and change, but both growth and change are difficult for me. I am very much a creature of habit and of routine. I want to grow to be a more Godly man, a better husband and friend to my wife and a better father and mentor my children. But this of course involves change and growth, two things that I first of all do not do well and secondly don't like to do because the disrupt my comfortable habits. The movie courageous has the line that "i don't want to be a good enough father." (and husband, and servant of God). I want to be the person God wants me to be, a man that reflect's God's glory through me like a prism. So that others see God, not myself. Again something that is not an easy thing as I find I crave recognition, at least inside or maybe its validation. I need for sleep to find me tonight. I know that I do not have the strength to go through a sleepless night like that again for two in a row. I am sure that I will be heading to bed not long after writing and publishing out this post. So far I have to admit I have not kept up with my Daily Bible reading as much as I'd like. I think, actually I know, I should read before I hit the pillow tonight. We are already almost through the first month of 2012 and I am only now reaching my conclusion that I need to grow. Almost a month has been wasted already. how much more time will slip by as I try to get my lazy butt in gear and actually work to make the changes I need? I do not know the answer to that question, but I need to put it in God's hands as I know I cannot do in under my own strength.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Time ..
It's cliche to say it, but the one thing that there never seems to be enough of is time. It seems with school, work, family time and the mandatory just sleep, eat etc. that the hours of the day vanish. Tomorrow promises to be a jam packed day with a birthday party and monster jam in the evening. I know Joe is excited about going and it will be cool to go. I go mostly for the photography practice. I got a lot last year and managed to work down my settings to something that went reasonably well. The downside is having to push the ISO on my camera to the point it gets noisy. Though I also had a lot of practice with tracking so that was good too. It will be good to spend time out with just guys though. Joe and I and one of his friends and his friends father are going. My brother-in-law was going to try to go, but his work schedule conflicts so it looks like we may wind up with an extra ticket going to waste.
This week has been a really long and hard week. The weather hasn't been great which hasn't helped anyone's mood and then the days just seemed to get off on the wrong foot. Next week will be better.
I need to figure out my next session classes and sign up as well as start getting the paperwork together for doing next year's FAFSA forms to keep in school. I feel like school is taking forever, but at one class per session it will take awhile. I don't know how I'd have time if I tried full time status.
Which brings me back to the opening of not enough time. I guess I need to figure out my real priorities and schedule accordingly. It can be tough though.
Just a few thoughts for tonight.
This week has been a really long and hard week. The weather hasn't been great which hasn't helped anyone's mood and then the days just seemed to get off on the wrong foot. Next week will be better.
I need to figure out my next session classes and sign up as well as start getting the paperwork together for doing next year's FAFSA forms to keep in school. I feel like school is taking forever, but at one class per session it will take awhile. I don't know how I'd have time if I tried full time status.
Which brings me back to the opening of not enough time. I guess I need to figure out my real priorities and schedule accordingly. It can be tough though.
Just a few thoughts for tonight.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
New year .. New thoughts
I am not sure where this blog is going to go tonight or even how long it is going to be. I know I said earlier I wanted to keep up with this blog better than I have in the past. So, I will now see where the keyboard and my brain take me.
I guess to start off, last night was Joe's 10th Birthday. It does not seem like ten years already. Especially this past year 2011 has been a blur. It was great to celebrate his birthday with the family, and my parents and sister and her family. My family is so much bigger than I ever imagined growing up. I guess first of all I married into a large family. Yvette is used to it I think. She had 3 siblings, and tons of cousins, aunts, uncles and other relatives around. Growing up, it was just my parents, sister and myself. Even when we went and visited family in Oklahoma it was never more than an extra couple of people. Now though I have four kids of my own, My sister is married and has a child and of course my parents are still around. It makes for a good sized group of people when we get together. At the end of 2010 I lost my birth-mother. It wasn't an easy thing to deal with and I lost a link to my past. But I was able to make it up somewhat. In the spring I traveled to San Francisco for a memorial service. I was able to meet Kathy's sister and brother and have been in contact with them.
I learned a lot about my family and about Kathy on that trip and how much like her I am in many ways.
There is a great deal on my heart and mind that I could write about and I am sure it will take time to put it all down and also what is appropriate to write and share and what I should keep to myself.
I turned 39 and I Guess like many men, and women, turning older and lcosing in on 40 is mkaing me look at my life and realize not only am I not as young any longer, my body is starting to tell me that, but I look at what I have done with my life, where I am, and where I am going and measure that against where I could and should be. Where I should be is the tougher question and there are times I look back and realize that even with all the blessings God has given my family and I that I know I do not deserve I have wasted many oppurtunities to follow his will for my life. I am faced to wonder how much my failures have impacted my family and my wife. I know there are things I have done that have hurt her terribly and the fact that she is still by my side is a gift from The Lord. There is still the fact that I am not where I need to be as a Christian or a man, and that my failures have had repercussions on the family that God has given me responsibility for.
Marriage as an institution has been on my mind for some time now, and I feel that much more needs to be done to defend marriage. Though I am not entirely sure the courts and legislature are the way to defend it. The best defense would be for Christians to reflect what marriage should be and show the example of Holy marriage and then people would see the difference and crave that kind of relationship themselves. That by example marriage would become desirable by men and women and not seen as a sort of mutual agreement subject to the whims of fancy, but as the serious covenant commitment it is. It is sort of cliche to say marriage isn't 50-50 but is 100-100. But even that is not quite true. A marriage cannot succeed unless husband and wife are First committed to Christ and then each other. Then come kids, jobs, finances and on down the list.
Joe wants me to play Wii so I am going to wrap this up for now.
I guess to start off, last night was Joe's 10th Birthday. It does not seem like ten years already. Especially this past year 2011 has been a blur. It was great to celebrate his birthday with the family, and my parents and sister and her family. My family is so much bigger than I ever imagined growing up. I guess first of all I married into a large family. Yvette is used to it I think. She had 3 siblings, and tons of cousins, aunts, uncles and other relatives around. Growing up, it was just my parents, sister and myself. Even when we went and visited family in Oklahoma it was never more than an extra couple of people. Now though I have four kids of my own, My sister is married and has a child and of course my parents are still around. It makes for a good sized group of people when we get together. At the end of 2010 I lost my birth-mother. It wasn't an easy thing to deal with and I lost a link to my past. But I was able to make it up somewhat. In the spring I traveled to San Francisco for a memorial service. I was able to meet Kathy's sister and brother and have been in contact with them.
I learned a lot about my family and about Kathy on that trip and how much like her I am in many ways.
There is a great deal on my heart and mind that I could write about and I am sure it will take time to put it all down and also what is appropriate to write and share and what I should keep to myself.
I turned 39 and I Guess like many men, and women, turning older and lcosing in on 40 is mkaing me look at my life and realize not only am I not as young any longer, my body is starting to tell me that, but I look at what I have done with my life, where I am, and where I am going and measure that against where I could and should be. Where I should be is the tougher question and there are times I look back and realize that even with all the blessings God has given my family and I that I know I do not deserve I have wasted many oppurtunities to follow his will for my life. I am faced to wonder how much my failures have impacted my family and my wife. I know there are things I have done that have hurt her terribly and the fact that she is still by my side is a gift from The Lord. There is still the fact that I am not where I need to be as a Christian or a man, and that my failures have had repercussions on the family that God has given me responsibility for.
Marriage as an institution has been on my mind for some time now, and I feel that much more needs to be done to defend marriage. Though I am not entirely sure the courts and legislature are the way to defend it. The best defense would be for Christians to reflect what marriage should be and show the example of Holy marriage and then people would see the difference and crave that kind of relationship themselves. That by example marriage would become desirable by men and women and not seen as a sort of mutual agreement subject to the whims of fancy, but as the serious covenant commitment it is. It is sort of cliche to say marriage isn't 50-50 but is 100-100. But even that is not quite true. A marriage cannot succeed unless husband and wife are First committed to Christ and then each other. Then come kids, jobs, finances and on down the list.
Joe wants me to play Wii so I am going to wrap this up for now.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Back again
It has been a very long time since I have added anything here. Life gets busy, things happen and intentions get lost. Tonight in church my wife and old are sharing about winter extreme conference. There is a lot that has been on my heart lately and I want to pick up the blogging again and really get things out there. I hope that this will be a regular thing and I can grow spiritually and share the journey.
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