Musings

A new class is starting, well started last night but I didn't get to the discussions last night.  I am still waiting on the grade on my final for this last one.  It is beginning to get more difficult in these classes and I know I need to devote serious time to them.  The past few weeks have been very draining, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.   There has been and continues to be a lot on my heart and mind and I am glad I had time off from work through some of the most spiritually tumultuous points.  Its not over yet though I think I am beginning to have a handle on it.  It was great to see Jessica, and meet Larry and Yvette loved having the chance to spend time with family. To top it off we went to see the mouse in Orlando.  the days were long, the drive even longer, but when I wasn't talking politics and constitutional intent and inherent rights with Larry on the drive there was a lot of time to think.

I have never before encountered a point where a situation and my reaction to it has driven me to have physical illness before.  I think though that instead of focusing on the past and people and situations that I cannot change,  it is time to look forward.  There is a great need in our society and especially within our churches for the support of the institution of marriage.  And not as in fighting 'gay marriage' or railing against the decay of our culture.  Instead the church should celebrate marriage, work to make sure that married couples thrive in their relationship and make it plainly visible that marriage is the desirable option.  Instead of boldly condemning those who fall into relationships outside of the holy union, we should lift up marriage to be seen as the blessing it is.

After all, isn't marriage supposed to be a reflection of the most glorious relationship possible?  the relationship between ourselves and Jesus Christ?  If we do not hold marriage in the high esteem that we are supposed to hold that sacred relationship then how high are we holding our commitment to Christ? This extends to all facets of the marriage.   From the forsaking of all others, to the Headship of the husband (boy I bet that will get some one's dander up) to the bed as well.  For perhaps in all of marriage this is the place we as Christians have dropped the ball the most.  Sex is meant to be the glue that binds the marriage together.  It is far more than a physical act.  There is, or is supposed to be a spiritual and emotional joining as well.  That the opening of ourselves at our most vulnerable to each other.  This is the human, physical model for what our intimacy with Christ is to be like.  We are to be totally open to him, hiding nothing of ourselves from God.  Just as a husband and wife are to be totally open to each other, joining to become one flesh.   This is of course not an instantaneous event, but a process, a journey of growth that increases through the years.  It takes work, and commitment.  Love will not simply bloom and be there.  It is a choice.  It is doing the things that are hard.  it is giving of yourself to the other totally.  We as a church have spent so much time condemning the ways in which the gift of sex has been perverted and preaching the evils of those perversions that we do not celebrate the joy and glorious gift it is within marriage, or if we do it is overshadowed by all that has been done previously.  Of course it is easy to go from that to sinful exposure of what belongs between a man and his wife.

I sit here and write these things and realize that my own life, my own marriage have not yet reached this point, this picture of what marriage ought to be.  My own past mocks me and tells me that I have done enough damage and how can I say these things with a straight face.
There is a simple answer.  First, I am human. I will fail,  we all will fail at some point.  None are perfect save he who sits on the throne and the perfect sacrifice at his right hand.  Second, I am forgiven, my sins have been cleansed.   They are no more.  I may not be able to forget them, and I will carry some scars and those around me will carry scars from what has been done, but those sins have no power.

I know I have kind of bounced around so if you are still reading, congratulations!  My mind tends to go everywhere and when I write I do as well. Especially in a format like this.   But back to topic.
Marriage as I said is a sacred thing.  The more I have seen marriages around me collapse, some after many years the more I realize that more must be done to support married couples, more must be done to help those who are hurting, more must be done to make the younger generations realize what marriage SHOULD be, not what we have let it become.  So many Christians live no differently than those outside it. marriage is not a permanent institution to them.   Just as our relationship to Christ cannot ever be severed, so a marriage is not severed.   Abuse and adultery are the acceptable reasons for a divorce.  Otherwise It is wrong.   And even in the previous cases Christ can bring a change of heart and a transformation of one or both involved.   If this does not happen, then the marriage will die, and a divorce occurs.  This does not make the divorce right.   It is still a terrible thing.   Perhaps if we understood this within the church then the rate of divorce would be far lower.  

These are thoughts I have had for a long time, but not really known how to express them.  For several years I have tried to put to words the ideas behind it and I still feel its not quite adequate.   In the past two years I have seen marriages of friends and those around me break up and dissolve and it has begun to tear at my heart.  I am angry that we do not see what it is that has been destroyed.  

I say that this cannot be laid at the feet of Hollywood, or the secular media as so many do.  If the church and as a whole had not abandoned marriage and the celebration of what marriage is and uplifted it then there would have not been a vacuum for the secular left to fill.

I think, that at this time I will go ahead and wrap this up.  If you are still reading, thank you.  If you agree, disagree, love, hate, think I am full of it, let me know.   If you agree, or like, share this blog.

thank you for reading and I hope that if nothing else, you now have something to think about.
--Jason

 

How to know? Speak out or stay silent?

Short post this time.  I believe I am feeling a real burden to speak to some friends about what I perceive to be a real issue from a spiritual and theological standpoint.   But I do not know if I am being spoken to by The Lord to bring this up, or if I am just bring a busybody and obsessing about something g that isn't even an issue.  I also wonder that I even have the right to say anything given the fact that I have my own spiritual issues to deal with.  I do not want to be judgemental, and I have no desire to pronounce judgement o their souls, but I still worry.  For those that bread this blog, I am seeking advice, please respond here or email to jpat1973@Gmail.com or Facebook or G+ .

Later and Later

I seem to be getting these posts out later and later each time I plan to do one.
This past Week Paul over at The Generous Husband blog Has been doing a week long series on divorce and what to do when your wife decides enough is enough and she is done.  I won't rehash it all here, but I encourage you to read it and, if you are married or are going to be married, I recommend you read it and sign up for his daily email tips.  THere are some good bits of advice and good ideas all from a Christian and biblically based perspective.  There are times I don't quite agree with everything he says, but thats OK.  Everything seems to be solidly grounded and he has a real passion for seeing that mariage works.  Especially for Christians.  In general he writes to the Men and pull sno punches with them.  HIs wife Lori runs a companion blog The Generous Wife which does much the same.   Yvette and I share the tips back and forth with each other every day.

Anyway, back to the topic I started on.  This year I have decided to really work on our marriage.  We have been married now for what will be 14 years in July.    We have had some significant ups and downs.  Some wonderful times and times where we did almost call it quits. I can only marvel and be thankful to Yvette for the strength she has had, the patience she has had and the love she still has to stick through all we have gone through and my own numerous faults and failings.   As we have started working to really strengthen our marriage and not just cover up the problems underneath we have opened up some painful things.  I know that I am not a confrontational person and I tend to not deal well with criticism.  My natural tendency when there is a problem is to pull back into a shell and simply wait till things calm down rather than deal with the issue itself or confront the person or problem.  The catalyst for this realization of change actually started late last year when I realized a couple we are friends with were divorcing after more than 15 years of marriage.  I began to take a close and real hard look at myself and Our marriage and realized that despite the front Everyone saw, and in many ways the front I put up for myself that there was a lot that needed to be worked on in our marriage.  I didn't want to wake up one day and realize that Our marriage had died.  I don't think it was in immediate danger of failing, but things were not as they should be.

I love Yvette and I know she loves me and we are committed to our marriage, but If we are not actively growing and improving then surely but slowly we were starting to drift apart.  Life just gets busy sometimes.  Four kids in school, full time work, being in school, being active in Church, and then time just to relax occasionally meant we were spending very little time with each other as a couple.   We would have occasional date nights, but for the most part the only time we really spent together was when we got into bed and fell asleep.  Even when we would try to really talk I would get my defenses up and my wall up because I didn't want to deal with possibly hurtful things.  Either hurtful to myself or to Yvette.

In the past month we have really started opening up more to each other.  It has hurt.  But we are starting to grow past it I believe and we will be stronger and better because of it. It is still not going to be easy, I have at least another year left of school before I get my bachelor's degree.  

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