Exhausted ...

I am Thoroughly exhausted.  It has been a  long weekend.  After a very busy Saturday and a much needed but difficult late night conversation I was completely unable to sleep last night.  I have been almost a zombie all day today, just glad no one went for the headshot.  Last year went by fast and in ways was a very rough year.  This year I am determined to grow and change, but both growth and change are difficult for me.  I am very much a creature of habit and of routine.  I want to grow to be a more Godly man, a better husband and friend to my wife and a better father and mentor my children.  But this of course involves change and growth, two things that I first of all do not do well and secondly don't like to do because the disrupt my comfortable habits.  The movie courageous has the line that "i don't want to be a good enough father." (and husband, and servant of God).  I want to be the person God wants me to be, a man that reflect's God's glory through me like a prism.  So that others see God, not myself.  Again something that is not an easy thing as I find I crave recognition, at least inside or maybe its validation.  I need for sleep to find me tonight.   I know that I do not have the strength to go through a sleepless night like that again for two in a row.  I am sure that I will be heading to bed not long after writing and publishing out this post.  So far I have to admit I have not kept up with my Daily Bible reading as much as I'd like.  I think, actually I know, I should read before I hit the pillow tonight.   We are already almost through the first month of 2012 and I am only now reaching my conclusion that I need to grow.  Almost a month has been wasted already.  how much more time will slip by as I try to get my lazy butt in gear and actually work to make the changes I need?  I do not know the answer to that question, but I need to put it in God's hands as I know I cannot do in under my own strength.