Later and Later

I seem to be getting these posts out later and later each time I plan to do one.
This past Week Paul over at The Generous Husband blog Has been doing a week long series on divorce and what to do when your wife decides enough is enough and she is done.  I won't rehash it all here, but I encourage you to read it and, if you are married or are going to be married, I recommend you read it and sign up for his daily email tips.  THere are some good bits of advice and good ideas all from a Christian and biblically based perspective.  There are times I don't quite agree with everything he says, but thats OK.  Everything seems to be solidly grounded and he has a real passion for seeing that mariage works.  Especially for Christians.  In general he writes to the Men and pull sno punches with them.  HIs wife Lori runs a companion blog The Generous Wife which does much the same.   Yvette and I share the tips back and forth with each other every day.

Anyway, back to the topic I started on.  This year I have decided to really work on our marriage.  We have been married now for what will be 14 years in July.    We have had some significant ups and downs.  Some wonderful times and times where we did almost call it quits. I can only marvel and be thankful to Yvette for the strength she has had, the patience she has had and the love she still has to stick through all we have gone through and my own numerous faults and failings.   As we have started working to really strengthen our marriage and not just cover up the problems underneath we have opened up some painful things.  I know that I am not a confrontational person and I tend to not deal well with criticism.  My natural tendency when there is a problem is to pull back into a shell and simply wait till things calm down rather than deal with the issue itself or confront the person or problem.  The catalyst for this realization of change actually started late last year when I realized a couple we are friends with were divorcing after more than 15 years of marriage.  I began to take a close and real hard look at myself and Our marriage and realized that despite the front Everyone saw, and in many ways the front I put up for myself that there was a lot that needed to be worked on in our marriage.  I didn't want to wake up one day and realize that Our marriage had died.  I don't think it was in immediate danger of failing, but things were not as they should be.

I love Yvette and I know she loves me and we are committed to our marriage, but If we are not actively growing and improving then surely but slowly we were starting to drift apart.  Life just gets busy sometimes.  Four kids in school, full time work, being in school, being active in Church, and then time just to relax occasionally meant we were spending very little time with each other as a couple.   We would have occasional date nights, but for the most part the only time we really spent together was when we got into bed and fell asleep.  Even when we would try to really talk I would get my defenses up and my wall up because I didn't want to deal with possibly hurtful things.  Either hurtful to myself or to Yvette.

In the past month we have really started opening up more to each other.  It has hurt.  But we are starting to grow past it I believe and we will be stronger and better because of it. It is still not going to be easy, I have at least another year left of school before I get my bachelor's degree.  

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